Who I am : Hi I am Nkiru Oluwatosin, I love God, I’m a wife, mum, sister, daughter, friend lol….i’m also a medical doctor. I am really just a product of God’s grace, His power and His Love and I just want to share my story with you.
Who I was : Growing up I had a great family, good friends, good grades, athletic, in terms of looks I was okay (chuckles), I really had no obvious reason to have a poor self image, but I did have a poor self image, I just never felt good enough, I was also anxious, worried a lot, negative, and often very moody. I knew God but I hadn’t learnt to allow my knowledge of him influence my mind and thought patterns. I wasn’t thankful, joyful and I really didn’t allow God carry my worries.
The Downturn: At some point in my life, these negative thought patterns got the best of me and I hit rock bottom. I fell into severe depression clinically. My life as I knew it was officially over. my mind was in chaos. I had all the features of severe depression, with delusions, hallucinations, extreme fear and a sense of hopelessness and despair that cannot be put in words. I lost significant amounts of weight, had no taste for food, did not feel like the world was real, lost sense of time. It felt like I was in a pit that was so thick with darkness and heaviness sitting heavily on me and there was no light in sight. Only two options faced me, to remain in this or receive a miracle. Doctors who saw me during that time did not think I could carry on with medical school. They felt I would need medications all my life. These are really strong medications for severe depression. Now I understood why a person would take their life.
The Turning Point: In the midst of the darkness, I surrounded myself with the word of God, through people, messages preached, worship music. Then in a moment… light shined. God spoke to me. He led me to the verse in Psalm 139:8 where it said “If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.” I had this clear realisation that I could never be out of reach of his love. Then he showed me Romans 8:38-39 where it says that nothing shall be able to separate me from the love of God. I’ve heard this before but this time it was like a ray of light beamed through, and I screamed He still loves me!, he loves me!, so if he loves me, then my life cannot be over. He continued to speak to me. He told me the darkness will bow, this happened at a church event. The minister spoke from the stage, it felt like it was me directly,, so I said lord is that me and the man on the stage said yes its you! I was so glad!. He reinforced a scripture I had always known in 2timothy 1:7 God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power of love and a sound mind. I said this out loud a lot, regardless of how chaotic my mind was, because at this point I had lost the ability to keep track of my thoughts. It was a journey from that point, I did not know how long it would take, but I refused to give up because of his love and his promise. At some point after period of 1 year, my mind began to get clearer and clearer, now It’s been 10 years since I’ve been free from depression, I have not needed medications these 10 years and I am living life more full of joy than I ever have. I am now more thankful, I refuse to worry, I laugh a lot, I am so secure and at peace with who I am in Christ and it’s all because of Gods unfailing love and his word. I am so glad I did not give up on God.
Life Now: I am enjoying loving God, family life, being a doctor and I am now partnering with God to help people win in their minds. I have written my first book “Overcoming Depression living with Joy” which is currently with editors and I am also working with people individually and collectively through a platform called heirmindset which God led me to start where I run Mind clinics to help people win in their minds using principles founded on God’s love and God’s word.
Life is to be lived! Your tomorrow is beautiful, you want to get there! God loves you, God is for you, God will never give up on you, please never give up on God.
What a beautiful testimony of the love of God. It truly is His goodness that leads men to repentance! Thank you for your transparency and your beautiful heart!